The comparison Trap

 Shagmati’s son has scored 83% in his twelfth board exams. And just look at you.

That’s the parent highlight reel. Loud and clear.

But let’s pause—why does nobody mention that your child won the district-level badminton championship? Or started a small YouTube channel teaching guitar?

Because grades are important, but somehow, unique is invisible.

In many families, it doesn’t stop there.

Two daughters-in-law.

Same house.

One’s parenting is “modern and open-minded,”

The other is “overprotective.”

Jewelry is compared. So are meal timings, kid’s tuitions, and even the “correct way to fold a bedsheet.”

Welcome to the Olympics of Comparison—no medals, just exhaustion.

Why Do We Compare? A Brainy Explanation

Our evolutionary brain once used comparison as a survival mechanism.

"Cave A has more berries than Cave B? Move!"

But today?

"Ritu’s daughter speaks fluent French at 7."

"Your son is still learning English tenses."

Is this really survival... or social media-induced suffering?

What It Does to Us (Scientifically Speaking)

Emotionally: Triggers dissatisfaction, low self-worth, and FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out).

Physically: Overthinking → increased cortisol → digestive issues, fatigue, even insomnia.

Spiritually: A disconnect from the Self. You live from ego, not essence. Constantly chasing someone else's life.

According to researchers in Positive Psychology, frequent comparison can weaken self-identity and increase ego-based living—focusing on what you look like, not who you are (Kristin Neff, 2011).

Spiritual disconnection is often experienced as existential dissatisfaction, a persistent sense that “something is missing”—even when nothing is.

As someone once said:

"Be yourself—everyone else is already taken." — Oscar Wilde

And yet, here we are, applying filters—on photos and personalities.

"If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back in 5 seconds." 😄

What can we do ?

1. Self-Inquiry: Ask—“Whose timeline am I following?”

2. Journaling Prompt: “What makes me feel alive?”

3. Digital Detox: Limit content that glorifies perfection.

4. Celebrate Little Wins: Did your child show kindness today? That's bigger than a 98%.

5. Compassion Training: Remind yourself—Everyone’s fighting a battle you can’t see.

6. Replace Comparison with Curiosity: Instead of “Why not me?”, ask “How can I grow in my way?”

We say every child is unique. But do we raise them that way?If we keep comparing mangoes to coconuts, we’ll forget the joy of fruit salad. 🥭🥥